An Olympic Thursday Thirteen

Why I could never be an Olympian:

1. I'm lazy
I watch some of these training schedules and think, "when do they have time to play video games or watch TV."

2. I like food way too damn much

3. I'm a klutz
I can barely make it from my car to my house when its snowing, I can only imagine flying down an icy hill at 90 mph with 2 sticks attached to my feet.

4. Luge
These people are just friggin' nuts

5. I'm too old
In a world where 30 is considered over the hill, what is my 45 year-old arse considered? And can you imagine the look on their faces when you ask them to turn down the heat in the Olympic village because you're having hot flashes!

6. I don't fly
Does Amtrak go to Moscow?

7. I don't have the dedication
So let me get this straight... I have an injury causing me severe pain and I'm supposed to WANT to go out there and make it hurt more ... I think not.

8. Too much temptation
I'm not supposed to be hitting on all the beautiful 23 year-old boys (did you see the mogles potium, yum!)?

9. I'm not big on bling
That medal is as big as Flava Flavs clock! I'd fall over.

10. I couldn't be without my dogs.

11. I don't like being broke
So you want me to pay a coach 70K a year and be unemployed so I can do nothing but train? No wonder I'm not eating! (My little soap box ... I think we should support our olympians financially like every other country in the world)

12. Seriously, you look at the concentration on these people's faces in spite of crowds and camera's. I'd be freaking out and jumping around like Daffy Duck.

13. When are they making writing an Olympic sport?